For leaders, teachers and facilitators
Discussion
questions.
For youth groups, schools and community settings. Eight essentials, eight good conversations.
For young people of the screen-born generation.
Free to use and adapt.
V.1.1.0
A few ground rules
before you begin.
For the person leading the conversation
These questions are starting points, not a test. There are no right answers and no one is being marked.
Make the space safe. Nobody has to share, and what is shared stays in the room, with the usual exception if someone is at risk.
Let people pass. "I’d rather not answer that one" is always a complete answer.
Adapt the language for your group’s age. The ideas are the same at 13 and 23, the words can shift.
You do not need to ask every question. Pick three that fit the room and the moment.
Go deeper when you want to. Every essential ends with a closed Go deeper set of eight more questions. Open it when your group wants to stay with one essential for another session, or when you are working through it on your own.
Safeguarding. If a conversation raises something serious, such as bullying, abuse, self-harm or someone being unsafe, pause the group discussion and follow your school’s or organisation’s safeguarding procedure.
What would you do with
three quiet minutes?
Essential one / The ability to sit in silence
- When was the last time you were properly bored, with nothing to do and no screen? What did it feel like?
- Why do you think even a couple of quiet minutes can feel so uncomfortable?
- What is the difference between doing nothing and actually resting?
- If attention is like a muscle, what strengthens it and what wears it out?
- What is one place in your day where you could build a tiny pause?
- Could you sit with your own thoughts for three minutes? What would help you try?
Setting note. In a school, run a one-minute silent sit together and ask what they noticed. In a youth group, keep it light and let anyone opt out. In a community setting, invite older members to share how boredom felt before phones.
Go deeper
Eight more questions, for a group that wants to stay with this one longer, or for thinking it through on your own.
- What do you reach for in the first ten seconds of being bored, and what do you think it is covering?
- When you imagine three quiet minutes, what are you afraid you might notice?
- Where did you learn that being busy was the same as being worthwhile?
- Who in your life is genuinely unhurried, and what does it seem to cost them?
- If your attention were something you owned, who has been taking it without asking?
- What have you missed lately because you were looking at something else?
- What would change if you let one thing stay unfinished for a day?
- What is the longest you have gone without a screen, and what happened after the first hour?
Treat your body like a home,
not a project.
Essential two / Your body is a home
- What would it mean to treat your body like a home rather than a project to fix?
- Where do you think the pressure to look a certain way actually comes from?
- What is one thing your body does for you every day that you rarely thank it for?
- Why is it easier to talk about what we eat than how we feel about our bodies?
- What would care without shame look like in real life?
- How do you tell the difference between healthy routines and rules that feel like punishment?
Setting note. Keep this free of diet talk and any comment on bodies in the room. Focus on function and feeling, never appearance. In a school, link it to health without grading anyone’s body.
Go deeper
Eight more questions, for a group that wants to stay with this one longer, or for thinking it through on your own.
- What is your body telling you that you have learned to ignore?
- When you are tired, what do you do instead of resting, and why?
- What did you learn about your own body from the way other people talked about theirs?
- If you could not change how you look, only how you feel, what would you work on first?
- What does your body do well that has nothing to do with how it looks?
- Where in your week do you ask more of your body than you would of a friend's?
- What would you do differently if you trusted your body to know what it needs?
- Who taught you to be at war with your body, and did they mean to?
What can you
actually do?
Essential three / Useful skills for real life
- What is a skill you already have that you are quietly proud of?
- Which grown-up skill scares you most, cooking, money or fixing things, and why?
- What is the difference between watching someone do a thing and learning to do it yourself?
- What is one skill you wish school had taught you?
- Why does learning to feed yourself matter beyond just eating?
- What small skill could you learn this month with a friend?
Setting note. This one suits a show-and-teach format where someone demonstrates a skill live. In community settings, pair young people with adults who can teach something practical.
Go deeper
Eight more questions, for a group that wants to stay with this one longer, or for thinking it through on your own.
- What can you do that nobody taught you, and how did you learn it?
- Which of your skills would your friends not know about?
- What is the last thing you fixed instead of replacing?
- If you had ten minutes to teach your best skill to a twelve-year-old, what would you leave out?
- What do you avoid learning because you are afraid of looking stupid?
- Who could you ask to teach you something, and what has stopped you asking?
- What is a job around the house you could take over this month?
- Which skill will still matter in twenty years, and which one will not?
How do you spot
a trick?
Essential four / Digital self-defence
- How would you spot a message that is trying to trick you?
- What information about you is more valuable than you think?
- Why do scams work on smart people too?
- What is the difference between privacy and secrecy?
- How do you decide who to trust online?
- What is one habit that would make your accounts harder to break into?
Setting note. Invite people to share, without detail, a time they were nearly tricked. No judgement, we have all been there. Being tricked is not a sign of being stupid.
Go deeper
Eight more questions, for a group that wants to stay with this one longer, or for thinking it through on your own.
- What is the last thing you did online that you would not have done if you had known who was watching?
- Where is the line between being careful online and being afraid?
- What does someone get out of making you angry on the internet?
- If a company held everything you have ever posted, what could they work out about you?
- What would happen if the password you have used more than once got out?
- Who taught you to be safe online, and what did they miss?
- What do you share now that your future self might wish you had not?
- When an unexpected message arrives, what is your first instinct, and is it the right one?
Where do you
actually belong?
Essential five / Real community
- What makes a group feel like somewhere you belong?
- What is the difference between being in a crowd and being known?
- Why is it hard to be the new person?
- What is one thing you could do this week to make someone feel included?
- How do you set a boundary and still stay friends with someone?
- What does a healthy community do when someone is struggling?
Setting note. Works best in small groups, not a whole class. Keep an eye out for the person who has not spoken and invite them in gently, with no pressure.
Go deeper
Eight more questions, for a group that wants to stay with this one longer, or for thinking it through on your own.
- Where do you act differently to fit in, and what would it cost to stop?
- Who would notice if you went quiet for a week?
- What is the difference between a group that welcomes you and one that needs you?
- When have you watched someone be left out and said nothing?
- What does your group do with someone who disagrees with it?
- What is the kindest thing anyone has done for you that they probably do not remember?
- Where do you go to be honest, and why there?
- Which relationship have you let drift, and what would it take to pick it up again?
What have you learned
that actually stuck?
Essential six / Knowledge you can carry
- What is something you learned that actually stuck? Why do you think it stuck?
- What is the difference between remembering something and understanding it?
- Why does cramming the night before rarely work?
- What would you want to know even if nobody ever tested you on it?
- How do you work out whether a source is trustworthy?
- What is one question you have been carrying around that you have never asked?
Setting note. Let people share their own how-I-learn tricks. In a school this bridges naturally to study skills. Remind the group that curiosity counts as knowledge too.
Go deeper
Eight more questions, for a group that wants to stay with this one longer, or for thinking it through on your own.
- What is something you know deeply that you could not explain in one paragraph?
- When did you last change your mind because of something you read or heard?
- What do you learn differently when nobody is grading you?
- What is something everyone seems to believe that you have never checked for yourself?
- Where do you go when you want to understand something properly, and how did you find it?
- What is still worth remembering in a world where you can look most things up in five seconds?
- Who is the most interesting person you could ask, and what would you ask them?
- What have you forgotten that you wish you had not?
When did you last
notice the sky?
Essential seven / Make room for the outside
- When did you last notice the sky for more than a few seconds?
- What does being outside do to your head that a screen does not?
- Why do you think nature feels calming to so many people?
- What counts as nature if you live in a city?
- What is one small way to get outside more without it feeling like a chore?
- If you had an afternoon with no plans and no phone, where would you go?
Setting note. If weather and location allow, run this one outside. In a classroom, open a window and notice what comes in. No guilt trips for city kids.
Go deeper
Eight more questions, for a group that wants to stay with this one longer, or for thinking it through on your own.
- Where do you go when you need to think, and why that place?
- What changes about a conversation when it happens walking instead of sitting?
- What living thing do you pass every day without noticing?
- If your street went quiet for a week, what would you hear that you do not hear now?
- What is your earliest memory of being outside?
- Who taught you to notice things, or did you teach yourself?
- Honestly, what does the weather do to your mood?
- What would you protect about where you live if someone threatened to change it?
What do you believe,
and why?
Essential eight / Test what you believe
- What is a belief you hold that you could defend to someone who disagrees?
- What is the difference between a belief and a feeling?
- Why is it uncomfortable to change your mind?
- Who do you trust to disagree with you kindly?
- How do you test whether something you believe is actually true?
- What is something you used to believe that you no longer do?
Setting note. Handle this one with the most care. No debating people into corners and no gotchas. The goal is honest thinking, not winning. Model how to disagree without belittling.
Go deeper
Eight more questions, for a group that wants to stay with this one longer, or for thinking it through on your own.
- What do you believe that you would find hard to explain to a friend?
- Where did your beliefs come from: your family, your friends, or your own thinking?
- What is the strongest argument against something you believe?
- When you disagree with someone, what are you usually trying to win?
- Would you rather be right or be close to someone? When has that choice actually come up?
- What is the difference between believing something and living as if it were true?
- What is a question you have stopped asking, and why did you stop?
- If you changed your mind about something important, who would you tell first?
A last thought
before you go.
For the end of the conversation
You do not need to agree on everything to respect each other. The point of these conversations is not to reach the same answer. It is to practise thinking out loud with people you trust.